The Rebellion in Liking Yourself
Reclaiming your worth by recognizing the forces that make you feel inadequate
Oh, did you not have plans last night?
Your skin could be more supple.
Are you sure you’re maximizing your earning potential given your skills?
Your partner didn’t buy you a new car or take you on a grand vacation for Christmas? They aren’t doing nearly enough to show their appreciation for you.
Society has a surprisingly direct and indirect way of constantly telling us that we lack something, doesn’t it? Remember the last time you scrolled through TikTok, glanced at LinkedIn, or spoke with a critical family member? You likely felt like half the person you were just moments before. Everywhere we turn, we encounter a resounding message that we need to improve ourselves. We are encouraged to feel like we are never doing enough because it keeps the wheels of society turning. When we dislike ourselves, we inevitably consume more to quell the feelings of our perceived shortcomings. To paraphrase Caroline Caldwell’s wise words, in a world that profits off our insecurities, it is an act of rebellion to like yourself. I challenge us to embrace self-acceptance more fiercely when the world wants us to feel small.
From the moment we step into an educational institution, we are compared to our peers, ranked, and guided based on the system’s definition of a ‘successful’ child versus an ‘unsuccessful’ one. These expectations can seep into the well-being of that child when gone unnoticed. As social beings, we absorb the feelings and recommendations of those around us. Our negativity bias leads us to give special attention to the voices of detractors. If we wear a unique outfit and a classmate disapproves, we may avoid that color to escape being seen as a social pariah. We gravitate toward brands that are socially approved. If we can’t solve a math problem as quickly as our desk mate, we might believe we’re not smart enough and need extra tutoring to keep up. In gym class, if we don’t place in the top ten of a running race, we might conclude we’re un-athletic and need to find a new hobby. We are conditioned by our systems to believe we have defects to be fixed. This conditioning undermines our confidence, making it increasingly difficult to believe we are inherently worthy.
When this pain becomes too difficult to bear, we often feel compelled to double down on the very practices that keep us stuck. We may seek more tutoring, buy more makeup, find the next person to date to remind ourselves we are desirable, or pursue a higher-paying job because we tie our worth to our bank account. When I say this, I don’t mean to suggest we should never aspire for more or quell our ambitions. Instead, I challenge us to consider the intentions behind our actions and to be exceptionally honest about them. It’s not inherently wrong to want to wear makeup, buy a beautiful outfit, or switch jobs for a higher salary. The issue arises when we lead from a place of insecurity. If you feel you need to date someone because you don’t feel complete on your own, you cannot show up in that relationship securely or selflessly. If you believe you need to change jobs solely for more money, I urge you to ask whether that desire stems from self-assuredness and a genuine aspiration to achieve more or from an internal narrative that equates money with intelligence and self-image. Insecurity and lack can sometimes push us in directions that do not align with our truest selves.
If you, like me, have ever found yourself responding to the tides of society, I believe the solution lies in intentionally working on self-acceptance. We must wholeheartedly know and appreciate ourselves for our qualities and imperfections, as they have shaped who we are today. When we truly like ourselves and believe in our intangible traits, we can see everyone in our lives—starting with ourselves—for who they truly are, rather than merely their accomplishments. The adage goes, “to be loved is to be seen,” but I ask that we first strive to see ourselves. Liking ourselves is the most authentic way to begin addressing the pain, sadness, and negative emotions that accompany the human experience. We are inherently whole, no matter how imperfect, and the actions and outcomes of those around us do not need to sway our self-image or worth.
But how do you find self-confidence in a world driven by insecurity? One way is to reframe the narrative that insecurity is what motivates people. While insecurity can push us toward achieving greater ‘success,’ confidence propels us toward authentic success—success that holds meaning for you, not just the praise you may receive for it. When you lead with a clear understanding of your deepest desires, even if they aren’t immediately rewarded by the world around you, your victories feel genuine. They come with a sense of peace, knowing you are living in alignment with your truest self. To me, acting out of insecurity is like fueling a marathon with high-calorie, low-nutrition food, while acting from a place of security is like running a marathon on a well-balanced diet. You can run longer, and your recovery will be better.
This month, I challenge you to find 31 things you like about yourself that are based on your character and the way you navigate the world. These should be traits not tied to accolades you’ve received or material possessions you’ve secured—qualities that are intangible and rooted in your character. For example, “I love the way I bring others into a conversation when I’m in a big group.” I fundamentally believe this exercise will begin to transform how you show up for yourself and how you view the person looking back at you in the mirror each morning.
photography credit: nivedha meyyappan (@nivedhamphotography)